Uno Out
by shandi.rivera
Summary: What will happen when someone brings Uno back from the world of the living? Who will win? Read and find out.


Title: Uno Out

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach. If I did it just wouldn't be as awesome…tisk tisk lol

Authors Note: This is my first shot at writing fan fiction. Let me know how I am doing? I welcome constructive criticism, but not rudeness. Also, I was never taught the official game of Uno so I will use the version I was taught. Btw I did look up the official rules but I like my way bet

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"I'm back Captain," Lieutenant Renji Abari greeted his captain while entering the sixth division barracks office. "You're late again Renji." Captain Byakuya Kuchiki stated in his usual cool tone without even glancing up from his paperwork. "Sorry Captain there was a long line in the mess hall." Captain Kuchiki ignored him like usual. "Hey Captain have you ever heard of the game called Uno? It's from the world of the living. Rukia brought it back from her last mission," Renji asked his already annoyed captain. Byakuya then replied, "Instead of continuing this idle chit chat why don't you focus on the growing stack of paperwork on your desk?" "Yes Sir." Renji replied before accidently knocking over his stack of paperwork. "It's going to be a long day." Renji grumbled under his breath. Captain Kuchiki just sighed in agreement.

When the work day was just about over Renji was nowhere near done with his paperwork. He had barely made a dent. He was just fixing to call it a night and promise his captain that he would be in early to finish when Rukia, Ichigo, and Uryu casually walked through the door. The trio was in a good mood. "Hey Renji. Hey Byakuya." Ichigo greeted the two sixth division soul reapers. Uryu just waved in greeting while Rukia smiled and exchanged pleasantries with her older brother Byakuya. "Hey! What are you guys up to?" The redhead greeted. "We were fixing to go to Yoruichis place and play Uno. She said to invite you and Byakuya." Ichigo informed them. "Yeah. That sounds great! I could use a break. I have been stuck doing paperwork all day." Renji said. "The reason you have been doing paperwork all day is because of your own incompetence." Byakuya stated much to Renjis dismay, then continued to say, "Rukia, Inform Miss Shihoin that I have better things to do than to waste my time playing her childish games." "Yes Brother." She replied.

As the four of them were getting ready to leave, saying their goodbyes to Byakuya, Yoruichi sauntered in with the cat like grace she was famous for. Her purple ponytail swaying behind her. "What's wrong Byakuya? Don't feel like getting your ass handed to you by a group of youngsters and a woman?" Yoruichi goaded her longtime family friend. To which he replied, "I simply do not feel like playing your childish games Shihoin." "Really now Byakuya, who is the one that's being childish?" Byakuya didn't reply. He simply excused himself for the evening. When he was almost at the door Renji whispered very loudly to Ichigo, "My captain is just afraid to be beaten by a girl."

In the blink of an eye Byakuya flash stepped over to him, getting only inches away from his face. Renji paled as Byakuya said, "Of all the people in this room, you have the least room to talk. There has never been a game invented that I could not win, and I..." "Except tag. Or have you forgotten? You have never won a single game of tag against me, but it is okay. You could never hope to beat me at a game like Uno anyway." Yoruichi interrupted with a sly grin. "Fine Shihoin. I accept your challenge." Byakuya replied with ice in his voice. Yoruichi laughed before replying, "I'll race you there." And she was gone in a flash, followed by Byakuya in a seething rage.

A few minutes later Renji, Rukia, Ichigo, and Uryu arrived at the Shihoin residence. Apparently when Yoruichi says she invited a couple of friends over she means she invited the whole soul society. The friendly get together to play Uno had turned into an all-out party. There were people everywhere. People were drinking, dancing, fighting, and hooking up every which way you looked.

The only room in the house that wasn't complete chaos was the room Yoruichi designated to the game of Uno. The contents of this room included a large table surrounded by enough chairs for the players and for the onlookers, and a deck of Uno cards. Since the game dictates that anywhere from two to ten people can play, it was decided that the players who were seated in this order around the table would be: Yoruichi, Byakuya, Renji, Ichigo, Ikkaku, Iba, Uryu, Rangiku, Yumichika, and Sui-Feng.

The onlookers were Shuhei and Izuru who wanted to watch Renji and Iba get their asses handed to them. Rukia was there for damage control in the likely event that Renji would loose and to support her brother Byakuya who was already in a piss poor mood after losing his race to Yoruichi. Nanao, and Nemu were there because they were invited to watch by Rangiku, and were both curious about the game that they had been hearing so much talk of. Shunsui showed up to drink sake and to see what had his little Nanao so curious. Jushiro was dragged along by Shunsui who said he didn't want to drink alone. Kenpachi was there to challenge Ichigo to a duel but since Ichigo rejected this idea he settled on watching the game of Uno figuring that the competitiveness of the game combined by the use of alcohol would spark a brawl, and Yachiru was there simply because her Kenny was there.

Once everyone was in there seat Uryu was given the oh so fun task of explaining the rules for those who were unfamiliar with the game of Uno. "Alright then," he began. "The rules are simple. Each player will be given seven cards to start with. The remaining cards will be placed face down in a pile. The first card on top of the pile will be placed in a separate discard pile face up. The players may play a card of the same color, the same word/number, or a wild. If you don't have a playable card, you have to draw from the deck. If you can play the card that was drawn, congrats! If not, add it to the cards in your hand and wait for your next turn. Whoever plays a wild can then pick the new color of the cards. The object of the game is to get rid of all the cards in your hand. When you finally get down to one card you must call out 'Uno'. If you fail to do this and are caught you must draw two more cards. Any questions?"

Byakuya was the first to speak. "If there are no questions, I suggest we get this over with." "Okay then." Uryu said while shuffling the deck of cards. He then passed out seven cards to each player. "Since Yoruichi is the host of this little get together she will start the game off." Then he placed the remaining cards in a face down pile. Yoruichi took the card off the top of the pile flipped it over and placed it next to the face down pile. The card was a red seven. She smiled as she proceeded to play a green seven. Byakuya played a green draw two, which automatically upset Renji who asked, "What was that for?" Byakuya did not reply, but Ichigo did. "Don't be such a baby Renji." "Nobody asked you Carrot Top." Renji replied. "Just draw two Pineapple Head!"

Yachiru couldn't contain her giggles. "Did you hear that Kenny? Ichy just called Renji a Pineapple Head." The small girl asked her adoptive father. He just grunted in response. Kenpachi was sitting on the floor quietly observing the game with his lieutenant sitting next to him with a bag of sweets.

For Ichigos turn he played a green reverse. Since Ichigo reversed the game, it was Renjis turn again. He decided to try and get back at his captain by playing a green skip. Byakuya didn't care. Then Yoruichi played a blue skip, which skipped Sui-Feng. The second division captain looked like she'd been physically wounded. Yumichika decided to play a blue draw two to which Rangiku groaned in complaint as she drew two more cards. On Uryus turn he played a blue five. When Iba went, he decided to be a jerk and skip Ikkaku. Ikkaku was starting to get a little irritated because he still had not had a chance to play his hand.

While the battle of Uno was taking place, the onlookers were placing bets on who would win, and on who would likely blow up before the game was over. Shunsui was the first to start the betting with, "Well, my money is on Captain Kuchiki." Jushiro agreed saying, "Yes, even though he has never played before, I believe he will win. "I think my Ichy will win!" Yachiru stated before adding, "And Baldy will blow up first." Everyone agreed to that. A bored Kenpachi then added, "100 bucks on Sui-Feng being the victor." When this was said Captain Sui-Feng quickly glanced in his direction before turning her head to hide the slight blush on her cheeks. Then Nanao placed her bet, "I think Lady Yoruichi will win. What do you think Nemu?" Nemu thought about this for a moment said, "I believe that Mr. Ishida will be victorious." That surprised just about everyone in the room, especially the man in question, who tried hard to conceal the fact he was blushing a furious shade of red. Izuru placed his bet on Yumichika and Shuhei on everyone's favorite busty beauty Rangiku.

Twenty minutes into the game Yoruichi had just called Uno, Byakuya had three cards in his hand, Renji had five, and Ichigo had two. Ikkaku still had not had a chance to lay down even a single card. He was constantly hit with skips, reverses, or draw twos and draw fours. To say he was mad was probably the understatement of the century. He alone had about thirty cards in his hand. Iba was only a little better with ten cards in his hand, and Uryu had four. Rangiku whom had been drinking since long before the game began, was looking a little water logged, but held five cards in her hand. Yumichika had three cards, while Sui-Feng and had six. Everyone was ready for the game to be over. No one could believe that the game would last so long.

"I swear, If you prevent my turn one more time Ichigo, I will destroy you." Ikkaku growled. Ichigo just chuckled as he gave a sly smile. He then proceeded to lay down a wild draw four, calmly saying, "Bring it on."

"EXTEND HOZUKIMARU!" Ikkaku shouted as he jumped up and released his sword. Ichigo rose to meet his challenge saying, "Let's take this outside." Then everyone in the room was startled when Kenpachi let out a demonic laugh. "ABOUT DAMN TIME!" He roared unsheathing his sword. The three of them headed outside, thus forfeiting the game. Yumichika also withdrew from the game to monitor his captain and best friend outside. They were followed out by Yachiru, Izuru, and Shuhei who wanted to watch the action. Everyone knew things were fixing to get messy.

"At least they took it outside, before the destroyed my house." Yoruichi commented before saying, "Well, let us get back to the game. I believe that it is your turn Iba. Remove Ichigos last card and continue from there." Iba did as she said and proceeded to play a yellow reverse. Since it then became Renjis turn again he played a yellow four. When it got back to Byakuya he decided to use a wild draw four to prevent Yoruichi from winning the game. "Damn you Byakuya." She replied. Then asked, "What color do you want?" "Blue." He said with a slight grin. "Damn it!" Sui-Feng said as she drew from the pile. Rangiku smiled and said, "Thank you Captain Kuchiki. All I have is blue." She then laid down a blue one. For Uryus turn he played a blue skip which skipped over Iba. He grunted in response before saying, "Damn you Ishida."

Apparently the fight was still going on outside because a loud explosion shook the house. "They just don't know when to stop." Nanao said with a sigh to which Nemu nodded in agreement. "At least none of us will be stuck with paying for repairs." Shunsui noted. "Yes, but Kenpachi is already so in debt. He will probably never be able to pay for all the repairs that will be needed after this incident." Jushiro Ukitake added. "The money that Captain Zaraki will make if Captain Sui-Feng wins will help with the cost of repairs, and I am sure that Lieutenant Kusajishi and the third and fifth seats of his division will help pay for the cost of repairs." Nemu stated.

At this point in the game everyone was ready for the game to end, but pride pushed them on. Byakuya had just called out Uno and Yoruichi put down a blue four. Sui-Feng drew from the pile and proceeded to play the card she drew which was a wild. "Green." She said. Rangiku pouted. "Awe man! Captain Sui-Feng you are sooooo mean!" She stated in a drunken slur. "Shut up Matsumoto. Your Drunk." Sui-Feng chided. Rangiku proceeded to pout as she drew a card she could not play. Uryu played a green one and Iba played a wild draw four, much to Renjis dismay. "Shit!" He said as he drew four cards. "What color do you want?" Byakuya asked. "Blue," was his reply.

At that exact moment the room grew cold. "RAANGIIIKUUUU!" Toshiro Hitsugaya could be heard for miles. The hairs on the back of Rangikus neck stood up. "Crap." She said immediately sobering up. Sui-Feng then smiled slyly and said in a mocking tone, "Somebody is in trouble." Then the little captain flashed into the room in a seething rage. "You Rangiku Matsumoto are probably the worst lieutenant in the history of the 13 Court Guard Squads!" "Captain! You are so cruel! I didn't do anything. I promise!" Rangiku pleaded. "That is EXACTLY my problem. I was only gone for one day Rangiku, and not only did you not do your paperwork, but my office is a complete disaster. There are sake bottles scattered about the office and it smells awful. Not to mention someone, probably you, spilled sake on the stack of paperwork that I had just completed before I left. It's ruined! You will report to the office and clean it up at once!" Toshiro was so mad icicles were starting to form on the ceiling. "Oh but the game is almost ove…" She didn't even get to finish her response as she was dragged from the room by her angry little captain.

"Well that was harsh." Shunsui commented. "She acts just as bad as you." Nanao told her Captain before adding, "Maybe I should resort to violence to get you do as your told." "Hmmm." He said picturing Nanao dressed as a dominatrix. "It could be fun." Nanao then whacked her Captain over the head with the book she always carries before storming off taking a confused Nemu with her.

"Awe! My little Nanao is sooo mean!" Shunsui complained. "Shall we call it a night my friend?" Jushiro asked his longtime buddy. "I guess so." He replied solemnly. The two got up to leave asking Rukia, who was starting to fall asleep, to fill them in on who the winner was tomorrow.

Even though the game was nearing an end Iba stood to announce that he was calling it a night. "We have been at this for at least two hours. I have to run patrols in the morning so I better quit while I'm ahead." "Awe! Don't do that were almost done." Renji said. "Renji." Byakuya started, "Lieutenant Tetsuzaemon has a since of work ethic, unlike yourself. He knows when to bow out gracefully." "Yes Captain." Renji replied grumbling under his breath. After goodbyes were said Iba left.

"Well now there are only five of us left." Uryu stated, then continued on to say, "That means that our individual chances of winning have improved by fifty percent." "Yes that is correct." Sui-Feng agreed. "Very well. Let us end this nonsense." Byakuya stated. "Yes." Yoruichi agreed. "So, whose turn is it?" Renji asked. "Yours, you idiot." Sui-Feng answered.

The game managed to go on another thirty minutes. At this point Byakuya, Renji, and Yoruichi all had only one card left. Uryu had three, and Sui-Feng would have had one but she failed to call out Uno when she got down to her last card. She then had three. The room was dead silent except for the sound of Rukia snoring in her chair. It was Sui-Fengs turn. She played a yellow seven, leaving her with two cards. "So Byakuya. Do you still think you can win?" Yoruichi goaded. "Without a doubt." Was his cool response. Then Uryu played a yellow reverse. "Damn you Four Eyes!" Renji shouted, mad that he was so close to finally beating his Captain at something. Then it was Sui-Fengs turn again. "Sorry Lady Yoruichi, I have no choice." She apologized as she played a wild draw four before quickly calling out, "Uno."

If looks could kill poor Sui-Feng would have been dead and buried by her favorite person in the whole wide world. Then it was Byakuyas turn. "What color?" he asked. "Green." Was the reply. He then drew a card and played the card while calling out Uno. "It's your turn Renji." Renji could not contain his joy as he laid down his final card, a green one. "Finally!" He yelled, jumping up in excitement. "I have finally beat you at something." He said pointing at his Captain. He then did something that no one would have ever expected of him. He grabbed the sleeping Rukia picking her up bridal style, which woke her up, and planted a big wet kiss upon her lips. Rukia was speechless. Uryu gasped in surprise, and Yoruichi and Sui-Feng couldn't hold back their laughter.

"PUT. HER. DOWN." Byakuya practically growled. Renji turned stark white as he dropped Rukia on her butt. All of Byakuyas normally cool composure had left him. All hell was fixing to break loose. "Scatter Senbonzakura." Was Byakuyas final response, as a swirly cloud of pink descended upon a terrified Renji.

The end.

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Authors Note: Well…how did I do?


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